If You Only Knew
by Such Sweet Sorrow
Summary: Tara has a secret, one that could ruin her 8 month relationship with Bradin. Will she tell him? Bad summery, i know plz R&R chappy FIVE up!
1. Tar? You Okay?

Tara awoke with a jolt at three o'clock in the morning. She had had the dream again. The same cold nightmare of her troubled past. She held her head in her hands and remembered what really had happened that day eleven months ago…

_"Jack, I'm pregnant." Tara sobbed to her boyfriend. Jack stood still, hardly breathing and his eyes wide._

_"Jack?" She whispered_

_"Okay. So you're…pregnant…and its mine…" He said slowly. Tara studied his face._

_"I'm scared. I don't know what to do," Tara started to cry again._

_"Shhh! Okay listen to me. You're not going to have this baby," Jack said digging in his wallet._

_"What, you mean…an abortion?" she gasped._

_"Yeah," He coughed, "Here. I have enough money in savings. Take my card." Tara took his card and looked up at him._

_"You're going to be here, right?" She asked hopefully. Jack nodded, and held her tight…_

_…little did she know that it was the last time she would ever see him again._

Tara shook herself from her memories. That was almost a year ago. She looked over next to her. Her boyfriend of eight months, Bradin Westerly, was still asleep. She'd never told him about her "situation". She was afraid he would high-tail it out of there like Jack did.

"Tar?" Bradin yawned "It's three in the morning. You okay?"

"I'm fine," She sighed, sliding down next to him and putting her arms around him.

"Bradin?" She asked

"Hmm?"

"If you…I mean…what if you were dating someone who…"

"Tara, are you sure you're okay?" Bradin asked concerned.

"Um…yeah. Just tired. Forget it, we'll talk later," She shrugged and kissed him goodnight.

She swiped a tear from her cheek, _What am I gonna do? _


	2. Doomed to Glow in the Dark

Tara awoke slowly later that morning. She looked next to her to see Bradin gone. After a few seconds panic, she realized that his surfboard was gone too.

She slipped out of the bed and made her way toward the beach. The early morning sun was warm on her shoulders. The simple tank-top and shorts ensemble she wore to bed was almost more than enough warmth for the hot summer sun.

Her eyes collided with the figure of a sun kissed blonde surfer, who was slicing his way through the water like nothing. Tara laughed to herself as he stumbled into the waves. As much as she tried to deny it, she loved watching him wipe out. He got so frustrated, and (as she had told Bradin many times before) he looked cute when he was determined.

Another sound drifted her way. Tara turned around to see a group of girl laughing flirtatiously, waving at Bradin. They were all tan, blonde and clad in revealing bikinis. Tara wasn't one to get jealous easily…she had a very nice, trim figure and could pull off any look just as easily as anyone. But the tan skin really got to her. Unlike every other seventeen year old in Playa Linda, Tara did not tan. She had a shoulder-length mop of slightly curly red hair and fair, freckly skin. Tara was forever doomed to glow in the dark like girls from Minnesota.

"Hey, gorgeous," Bradin called sweetly, running up to her. He spread his arms wide in attempt to hug her. She squealed as he chased her down and got her all wet with the cold ocean water. She kissed him lightly, and pulled away.

"Hi." She said simply, craning her neck to see the flirting girls again. They were all scowls and miserable. She knew exactly what they were thinking _He's too hot for her. Wench. Lucky Bitch. _It was all too common for Tara. _No matter_ she thought _I still get my man._

"Who are you looking at?" Bradin inquired, looking at the flirting girls.

"Bradin, do you prefer chicks with a tan?" Tara said in a mock sulk.

"No. I like 'em pasty." He replied.

"Gee, thanks," She said smacking him on the face lightly.

"I also like them firey red-heads," He laughed. Tara kicked a bit of sand at his ankles, and he returned the favor. Soon, it was an all out war. Sand flew this way and that, and somehow, the pair of them ended up chest-deep in ocean water.

Tara wrapped her arms around his neck. He kissed her deeply.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk about?" Bradin said casually.

"Hmmm?" Tara answered dreamily.

"This morning. You said something about 'If you were dating someone who…' and then you stopped. What's on your mind?" He asked.

"That?" She blanched, and then felt her face grow hot. She laughed heartily (in a sort of fakey way), "Oh that's…um…just me, talking in my sleep. I always do that."

Bradin raised his eyebrows. "You've ever talked in your sleep before. Believe me I know, I'm a light sleeper…"

"Just drop it okay? I…had a horrible dream and I don't want to talk about it!" She seethed. She swam moodily towards the shore. She felt terrible keeping all her emotions and secrets hidden from him, it was like living a lie. But she didn't really lie to him; she _did _have a horrible nightmare.

Bradin caught up with her on the beach. "Okay, alright, you don't want to talk about it. But if you need me, I'm here. I'm always going to be here, okay?" he said hopefully. Tara winced as her memories shot back through her mind…

_"You're going to be here, right?"_

_Jack nodded "I'm always gonna, babe"_

"Tara? Tara!" Bradin shook her slightly to wake her from her trance. She felt the prickle of fresh tears behind her eyes.

"What? Yes, I'm fine. I'm soaked. I'm going to go shower and change Mmmkay?" She said quickly. She near bolted towards the house.

_Just breath _she told herself _He doesn't know. He's not anything like Jack. Not at all. _She sighed heavily;_ I'm going to have to tell him tonight on our date._


	3. CDawg's Cheating on His Girl!

**_Thank You, reviewers! I appreciate it! So, here we are...third chapter of my first posted fanfic! How exciting! Well, more fab finfics to come...excpect X-Men, Harry Potter, Newsies and Degrassi in the near future!_**

* * *

Tara ran her fingers through her, now straightened, red hair one last time. _Funny, _She thought, _Bradin and I haven't gone on a real date for weeks. _Truth be told, they didn't have the time. Tara worked at a small independent clothing store by the pier, and Bradin had been in and out of Playa Linda for surfing (thus explaining why the subject of abortion hadn't come up yet).

And also, they had the house to themselves, so every night was like a little date. They ate dinner together, watched TV together, went on walks…

Ava and Susana were in Milan for business. Johnny had taken Derek, Nikki and Cameron out camping with Jay. Tara and Bradin were invited, but couldn't part themselves from work. Hopefully, Ava, Johnny and the rest didn't mind Tara staying over for the week, seeing as Bradin never got around to asking them.

"Tara, we have reservations for 7:30, you know!" Bradin called from the living room. Tara peeked at the clock (7:15) and peeked at herself in the mirror one last time ("It'll do") and breezed out into the living room.

She was wearing a light-blue cotton sundress that fell to her knees, the silver necklace Bradin had given her for her birthday, strappy sandals, and her hair fell gracefully around her shoulders. Bradin, however, was wearing one of his nicer shirts and a pair of shorts, his blonde hair a mess.

"Needn't dress up," Tara laughed sarcastically.

"What? I am dressed up!" Bradin retorted, motioning to his shirt. Tara tilted her head to one side in a way that mocked fashion connoisseurs.

"Okay, whatever. We gotta go," She said finally.

* * *

They arrived to the restaurant ten minutes late.

"Table for two under Westerly," Bradin said to the host. The host, whose nametag read "C-Dawg" even though he was a pasty twenty-something with greasy hair and unfortunate acre, looked over the lists.

"Sorry, Mr. Westerly, but we gave your table away," C-Dawg said curtly.

"You can't be serious," Bradin said.

"Sir, I have people to serve…people who arrive when their reservations are called," He said snidely, looking for the next customer. Bradin looked back at Tara, who shrugged.

"Okay, dude, we were ten minutes late. Cut me some slack here," Bradin argued.

"Sir, we have hungry people to feed,' C-Dawg drawled.

"Yeah, I know. Me." Bradin snapped. Tara took hold of his arm, and eased him back.

"Excuse me, C-Dawg?" Tara said coolly, "I'm not sure if you know this, but unless you want your girlfriend to know you're cheating on her, you'll give us a seat." C-Dawg looked at her in horror, and then said "This way."

Tara and Bradin sat across from one another in a comfortable booth with an ocean view.

"How did you know he was cheating on his girlfriend?" Bradin asked.

"I didn't. That's a trick my older sister used to use when stuff like that happened to us," She replied sipping her water.

"Huh," Bradin laughed, "You don't mind if I use that?"

"Not a bit," Tara giggled. Soon, the two were engaged in deep conversation, pausing only to order their meals and eat them.

Tara had almost forgotten the reason why she was there in the first place.

"Bradin, what are your views on abortion?" She said abruptly. Bradin looked taken aback.

"Abortion? I dunno. I guess it depends on different circumstances," he said.

"How do you mean?"

"Well," He said carefully, "If it endangers the life of the mother to have a baby, then it's okay,"

"And what if it's like…I dunno, a teen pregnancy?" Tara asked, hoping she sounded casual.

"Well, I guess it's her own fault if she went and got herself pregnant. I mean, you shouldn't get an abortion if you're that irresponsible," Bradin explained.

Tara went chalk white, "Well, what if they were being responsible, huh? What if it was an accident?" She said heatedly.

"Same thing," Bradin answered.

"YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU!" Tara hollered, slamming her fists on the table.

"Tara, what is your deal?" Bradin asked sharply. Tara shook her head mutely, and speed out of the restaurant, leaving Bradin shocked, confused, and a little scared.


	4. The Warm Night Air

_kay, guys here it is...the moment of truth! Brace youselves...sorry so short

* * *

_

Bradin hurried out of the restaurant, leaving the money they owed crumpled and abandoned on the table. C-Dawg sneered at him on the way out, but Bradin flipped him off casually and ran out the door.

The warm night wind whipped around him as he stood at the entrance of the restaurant. He looked up and down the road, finally spotting a frail red-head sprinting towards the beach. Bradin ran after her.

"Tara!" He called. She turned around quickly, and continued her run toward the water,

"Tara! Wait!" Bradin called again. This time, she stopped, and sat down hard on the damp sand, her cute ensemble caking with dirt. It didn't take Bradin long to realize that she was shaking with sobs. He knelt down beside her, and embraced her tenderly. She struggled against him for a moment, but then relaxed, and cried hard into his shoulder.

"Tara, I think I know what's going on," Bradin said softly, his tone warped by fear.

"Y-you do?" Tara gasped, horrified.

"Yes. And I want you to know that…that I don't want you to get an abortion. I want to be a part of our child's life, and I-I won't leave you alone," he said slowly.

Tara stopped crying. She turned slowly to face him, his eyes, it seemed, were brimming with tears.

"Brae." she said softly, "Brae, it's alright. What you said was so sweet and comforting…but I'm not pregnant," She said. Bradin let out a heavy sigh of relief.

"Thank God! Shit, Tara, why did you scare me like that?" Bradin said angrily. Tara drew in a deep breath, preparing herself for the thing that she hoped she would never have to say.

"Two years ago, I started dating this guy named Jack. He was really sweet at first…and it didn't take that long for our relationship to get…um…intimate. We were together for about a year when I realized that…please, Bradin try to understand this, it was such a mistake. About a year ago, I realized that I w-was pregnant with his baby. I was so scared, and I didn't know what to do! We had always been so careful, and I didn't know that this could've happened.

"Anyway, I went to him and asked him what I should do. I mean, he would have to be a part of the child's life and everything, so whatever decision I made would have to clear with him. And…when I asked him…h-he gave me his credit card and t-told me to get r-rid of it," Tara was sobbing, with Bradin staring at her wide eyed. She turned her back to him.

"And then. After it was done…he left me, and I never saw him again. Bradin, I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was afraid. I was afraid that you would leave me like Jack did. I was afraid that you'd think I betrayed you. I don't want to lose you, Brae. I love you. Bradin…Bradin?" Tara turned around…

...but Bradin was nowhere to be seen.


	5. Either way i'm pretty much screwed

**_well here it is, guys! The update of a lifetime! lol, well, enjoy!

* * *

_**

Bradin fled from the beach. His heart was pounding into his throat, and his eyes began to sting with the threat of tears. He slowed in pace, and leaned against a rock.

_Why? _He thought. _Why didn't she tell me? We've been together for so long…why didn't she tell me! _

He stood, running a hand through his hair. What was he to do? He knew he couldn't go back now; she would push him away, calling him insensitive. But if he kept his distance…

_Either way, I'm pretty much screwed_

He decided to just sit on the rocks for a while, and try to make sense of things.

* * *

Tara was past the point of crying. All she could sense was the pain in her chest she felt every time her heart beat. She was kneeling in the sand, her outfit ruined, and her hair a mess.

_I should never have told him. Never, ever-ever._ She scolded herself. She couldn't handle losing Bradin. She just couldn't! Not after all they had been through.

_I was so stupid to ever think he would understand. I was so stupid to think I could ever trust him with my heart. _

She got to her feet, her head spinning. She figured she should go to the house and gather her things, hoping that she would beat him home.

_If you only knew, Bradin… If you only knew how much it meant to me that you understood.

* * *

_

Unfortunately, life doesn't always go exactly the way one wants it to.

Bradin flung open to door to his house, letting in rain and mud. All he had on his mind was sleep. He was secretly hoping that he would wake up in the morning, with Tara in his arms, and this whole mess would have been an unpleasant dream.

But there she was.

Tara was leaning over an open suitcase. Her sundress had been replaced by jeans and a hoodie. Bradin could see there were clothes in the suitcase, and he felt panicked.

"Tara?" He said softly. Her head shot up in alarm. "Tara? Where are you going?"

She sighed, and straightened up. "I need to go. I need to be alone and…and think about things."

"What kind of things?" Bradin asked cautiously.

"Things I should have thought of a while ago. Things like…" She started

"Like me? I mean us?" He interrupted.

"Yes…no…I don't know!" Tara choked on tears, "I know that I can't be with you if you don't understand. You s-said that abortions were w-wrong! And I lied to y-you and how…how could you want to be with me anyways? I'm…I'm unclean," Tara sobbed. Bradin ran to her, and pulled her into an embrace out of habit.

"Tara, it's going to be fine," He said gently.

"I just didn't want it to end like this," She whispered, turning back to her suitcase. Bradin felt like he had been stabbed. _End? _He thought frantically, _she's actually leaving? We're over?_

"Tar, how abut we talk about this," Bradin blurted.

"I can't. You know everything you need to anyways. I think it's just best if I leave now," She mumbled, lifting her suitcase from the couch, "You didn't park behind my car, did you?" Bradin shook his head numbly as she headed toward the door. He watched in horror as she slipped on her sandals and grabbed the doorknob.

"Tara-you-cant-leave-me-because-I-love-you!" Bradin blurted.

She stopped and turned on her heel, "What?"

"You heard me. Okay, we…we need to talk about this. Come sit with me. Please, Tara," He said. She shook her head minutely and joined Bradin on the couch.

"Where should I start?" She asked.

"The beginning, I guess. Whose was it?" He asked.

"Jack Wellington," She sighed, "I've told you about him. The guy I dated before you. Well, you know, we had been dating for a while and I loved him…or I though I did. So we were…um, close," She blushed furiously.

"I figured as much," Bradin chuckled.

"Yeah," Tara said, "But anyway…I found out I was pregnant, and I was so, so scared."

"How did you get pregnant though? Wait!" Bradin turned tomato red, "I meant…I know how you…um…what I meant was…did you use…um…"

"Yes, we were always responsible about that. Oh my god, I can't believe I'm talking to my boyfriend about me and my ex-boyfriend…anyway! I was scared. I told Jack, and he seemed scared to. He told me to get the abortion. I probably would have even if he didn't. I just didn't know what to do. But, he gave me his credit card and said that he'd be there for me. I never saw him again. I never told my parents. I've never told anyone except Jack and now you. It's so horrible."

"It's okay. You did what you had to, and I completely understand. What I don't get is, why did you wait all this time? It must have really been hard to keep that from me…or anyone," Bradin said.

"It was. I really wanted to tell you. But every time I thought about it you were away at a surfing expo, or I just freaked out. Do you Remember when you, me, Nikki and Cameron were home alone while Ava and all those guys were at a party? We were playing "Truth", because you didn't want to see Nikki kiss Cameron. Well, do you remember when Cameron asked me if I would ever have an abortion?"

Bradin nodded "Yes! And you completely…"

"…Freaked out. I know." She finished

"But I still don't understand why…"

"Bradin I have nightmares! I dream about that last time I saw Jack all the time, and it scares me! And I sometimes have dreams that I had the baby, but I can never ever reach it, or hold it. I've even had a dream that I had the baby and you hid it from me. I was stressed and I was confused. I'm so sorry!" Tara cried, leaning against him.

"Tara, listen to me," He said, looking her in the eyes, "I want to be with you. I am not going to let this tear us apart, okay?" Tara could only smile in agreement. "Come on, let's get some sleep."

They wandered off into Bradin's room. Not even bothering with pajamas, they flopped down on the bed, shared a meaningful good-night kiss, and drifted into sleep.

Tara stayed awake until she could hear the steady rhythm of Bradin's breath. She wrapped her arms around him and felt really happy…for the first time in a long time.

**_whaddya think? I'm compleatly open to any suggestions on events in later chapters, because i have a little block!_**


	6. I'll throw it against the wall

**_here it is kids...another chapter. Thanks to _**xoCaliBabyox **_for giving me the idea, you rock!_**

* * *

_Beep-beep! Beep beep!_

"What's that?"

"I don't know, my alarm? Turn it off, will you, Tar?"

_Beep-beep! Beep-beep!_

"It wont work, Bray."

"Give it here, I'll throw it against the wall."

SMASH

_Beep-beep! Beep-beep!_

"God damnit! What the hell is wrong with that thing?"

"Bradin, wait! It's my phone."

_Click_

Light flooded the room, as Tara reached over the bed to grab her cell phone.

"Ugh, I missed it!" She sighed, dialing her voice-mail.

"Damn! Look at my alarm-clock!" Bradin laughed, leaning back on the pillows. Tara giggled. Suddenly, her bright smile faded. Bardin could see fear in her eyes.

"Tara! What's wrong?" He said, sitting up. She flipped her cell phone shut.

"It…oh my God. He's moving to Playa Linda. He wants to see me," She gasped.

"Who? Who's coming?" Bradin pressed.

"Jack Wellington."

* * *

**_oh, i know it's short...more comming soon!_**


End file.
